Most of us have met someone who seems to have been wronged by almost everyone in their life. Sometimes that is because they really have been treated badly. Psychologists have also described a different pattern, where a person feels like the victim across many relationships and over a long time, even when a situation was unclear or two-sided.
Researchers call this the Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood (TIV). It is defined as an ongoing feeling that the self is a victim, spread across many kinds of relationships (Gabay et al., 2020). It is a way of seeing the world, not a diagnosis, and nobody can reliably spot it from the outside.
TIV has four parts:
- A need for recognition: a strong wish for others to acknowledge how much you have suffered.
- Moral elitism: seeing yourself as morally good and the people who hurt you as morally bad.
- Reduced empathy: finding it hard to feel compassion for someone once they have hurt you.
- Rumination: being unable to stop thinking about past offences (Gabay et al., 2020).
Why This Is Not About Real Victimhood
You may be thinking that all four of those things sound like a normal response to being hurt. You would be right. Anyone who has been abused, betrayed, harassed or discriminated against may well want recognition, feel angry, struggle with empathy for the person who harmed them, and replay what happened.
The difference is in the pattern. TIV describes a feeling of victimhood that shows up across many relationships and situations, over time, rather than in response to one person or one event. It measures how victimised someone feels, not whether they objectively have been.
The lead author of the newest study was very clear on this point. She said the research should not be used against people with histories of victimisation or marginalisation, and that doing so misrepresents what the study found (Dolan, 2026). If you are a survivor, this research is not about you.
What the New Research Found
A recent study asked whether TIV is closer to grandiose or vulnerable narcissism. Grandiose narcissism is the more familiar kind, marked by high self-esteem and a desire for power. Vulnerable narcissism involves a strong sense of entitlement alongside low self-esteem and sensitivity to criticism (Bedard et al., 2025).
The researchers asked 400 adults in Canada, aged 18 to 71, to complete questionnaires on narcissism, victimhood and the Big Five personality traits. They also measured “victim signalling”, which means publicly expressing your suffering to gain acknowledgement or resources (Dolan, 2026).
TIV was strongly linked to vulnerable narcissism, and both were linked to neuroticism, a trait connected to emotional instability and difficulty managing difficult feelings. Victim signalling was linked to both types of narcissism, but by different routes. For vulnerable narcissism, genuine hypersensitivity and entitlement seemed to produce a real feeling of being wronged. For grandiose narcissism, signalling seemed more directly connected to seeking attention (Dolan, 2026).
There are limits to what this tells us. The study captured one moment in time, so it cannot show that narcissism causes TIV, only that they travel together. The sample was Canadian, so the results may not hold in cultures with different norms about expressing suffering (Dolan, 2026).
How It Can Show Up in Relationships
Content note: this section describes conflict and being blamed. Pause here if you need to.
One or two of these signs does not mean a person has TIV. Many people behave this way when they are stressed or hurting. It is the repeated pattern that people tend to notice:
- Conflicts are always entirely the other person’s fault, with little room for shared responsibility.
- Small or unclear moments, such as a quiet pause or a neutral request, are heard as criticism or attack.
- Old mistakes, even ones that were fixed or apologised for, keep being brought back.
- Friends feel pressure to take sides, and staying neutral can lead to being cast as another person who caused harm.
Rehashing a genuine betrayal, even years later, is a normal part of healing and is not what we are describing here. In more extreme cases, a person may turn an accusation around so that the one who raised a concern is blamed instead. This pattern is known as DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), and research suggests it can make observers doubt the person who was actually harmed (Harsey & Freyd, 2020).
Responding with Kindness and Boundaries
The research does not tell us how to respond. The suggestions below are practical ideas, not clinical guidelines. The aim is to stop arguing about who was right and protect your own wellbeing.
- Acknowledge the feeling, not the story. “I can see that you feel hurt” validates their experience without agreeing with their version of events.
- State your view once. Keep it calm and brief, and avoid explaining or defending yourself repeatedly.
- Name your boundary. For example: “I’d like you to stop describing our conversation to others in a way that doesn’t match what happened.”
- Step back. You do not need to keep negotiating the past.
It may not change how they see things, and that is not your responsibility to fix. If a relationship leaves you feeling frightened, controlled or unsafe, please reach out for specialist support rather than relying on boundary scripts.
If You Recognise This in Yourself
If parts of this feel familiar, that is not a reason for shame. Noticing a pattern takes courage, and many people who feel wronged all the time are carrying real pain underneath. The lead author suggests that anyone who notices these traits in themselves could reach out to mental health services, since TIV is likely to go alongside difficulties such as anxiety or low mood (Dolan, 2026).
Two gentle questions can help in the moment. First, “What might their side of this look like?” Second, “How might I have contributed?” Some people also find it useful to decide in advance what counts as real harm to them, so that they can take genuine harm seriously without treating every hurt as the same size. Therapies that focus on emotional regulation and self-esteem may help, although this is still a question for future research (Dolan, 2026).
A Simplified Version
In short: Some people feel like the victim in almost every relationship, not just one. New research links this to a sensitive, easily hurt kind of narcissism and to difficulty managing emotions. It does not apply to people who have genuinely been harmed. If you are dealing with this, you can acknowledge the feeling, say your view once, set a boundary and step back. If you recognise it in yourself, support is available.
A Moment to Come Back to the Present
Take a moment to settle. Feel your feet on the floor and let your shoulders drop. Name three things you can see around you. You are here, and you are safe in this moment.
Further Reading
Books
- Rethinking Narcissism by Craig Malkin: an accessible look at the different ways narcissism shows up.
- Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab: practical help with boundaries in relationships.
- Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff: a gentle guide to being kinder to yourself.
Journal articles
- Gabay et al. (2020), the paper that first described the Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood (see references).
- Bedard et al. (2025), the newer study discussed in this article (see references).
Support
About This Article
This article summarises published research and offers general information. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, and it cannot tell you whether someone has a particular personality trait or condition. The boundary suggestions are practical ideas, not clinical guidance.
References
- Gabay, R., Hameiri, B., Rubel-Lifschitz, T., & Nadler, A. (2020). The tendency for interpersonal victimhood: The personality construct and its consequences. Personality and Individual Differences, 165, 110134. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110134
- Bedard, T., MacIsaac, A., Visser, B., & Mushquash, A. R. (2025). Linking the Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood, victim signaling, and narcissism: The need to be seen as a victim. Personality and Individual Differences. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2025.113597
- Dolan, E. W. (2026, January 26). The tendency to feel like a perpetual victim is strongly tied to vulnerable narcissism. PsyPost. https://www.psypost.org/the-tendency-to-feel-like-a-perpetual-victim-is-strongly-tied-to-vulnerable-narcissism/
- Harsey, S. J., & Freyd, J. J. (2020). Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender (DARVO): What is the influence on perceived perpetrator and victim credibility? Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 29(8), 897–916. https://doi.org/10.1080/10926771.2020.1774695
